Day 3.
Getting around Bangkok is very simple -so simple even we can do it! You don't need no Thai lingo nor nuffink (although it helps if you have a few key words).
The Tuk-tuk
The most obvious form of transport for those with Thai leanings is the humble tuk-tuk. These machines can go anywhere at any speed, against the traffic, on sidewalks, across red lights up the side of buildings and through the air, no doubt. Of course, tuk-tuks are not exclusive to Bangkok -they must be found in practically every city west of Suez (and many South American countries). Even Gaza has them. I hesitate, however, to get into these things because they're bloody dangerous. Cheap they may be, but there's not much other than a bit of tin sheeting and tubular aluminium between you and whatever the tuk-tuk was hurtling towards.
The Taxi
There are a lot of taxis in Bangkok. Most of the are legit. They may be a little more expensive than other forms of transport, but you're paying for your own private air-conditioned transport to take you directly from a to b -that is if he knows where you want to go. Sometimes an Ozzy green and yellow, sometimes blue or white or purple, most times a barbie pink, the taxis are usually owned by reliable blokes who just want to make enough money to live in this town. They don't even give you the typical London cabby, "You know what's wrong with this country, mate...?" If they did it would be a Thai, "Bloody Farangs"! Having said nice things about them, I should also add that if you're not careful you may end up finishing your journey without noticing that the meter wasn't running. Oh dear, sir. It's a case of passenger beware: you'll only need to do it once.
The Bus
All the buses are cheap -really cheap. You will, however, need a Thai guide with you because the destinations are all written in the fourty-four consonent and fifteen voweled Thai alphabet. You can go pretty much anywhere in Bangkok by bus and be dropped anywhere on the route as long as you don't mind the lack of air conditioning, sitting in the heat, the fumes, the length of time it takes to get anywhere...
The Motorbike
This is, quite simply, the quickest way to get anywhere in Bangkok. The city is full of them and all you need to hire and sit on the back of one is testicles made of steel and a desire to die painfully in an road traffic accident. Watch the scary video above.
The Skytrain
An Ambitious project designed to lighten the load off the road, it took a while for the Bangkokians to wake up to realise just how quick these trains above ground could be. It was simply more expensive. But as the people have become incrementally more wealthy so they have taken to it and now it's full at peak times. It doesn't go everywhere, but it's quicker than the bus, safer than a bike and you arrive less sweaty and nasty than walking.
The Trains
There's also the other trains of the underground and overground variety. The new underground network, the MRT, is nice, as anything new should be, but like the skytrain it doesn't go far. It will be extended. If you get the wrong train, the Airport Rail Link seems to take longer than a taxi from the airport which makes you wonder why they put all the stops in at all. And then there's the commuter trains which you never really notice until the traffic stops and everyone curses as it slowly rattles across a level crossing. Like the buses, you've also got to know where you're going unless you're a hardcore traveller and can ask for tickets in Thai. We're off on the overnight express train from Bangkok to Trang tomorrow -first class, of course.
The Elephant
I dare say you could get one if you asked around, but they are pitiful things in the city. They've been banned from the Metropolis for many years, but they crop up from time to time sporting little red lights on their bums so that weary drivers can avoid them. On our way to the gorgeous teak Vimanmek Palace, we went to the Royal Elephant Museum today, full of wonderful things about how the sighting of white elephants (which look like ordinary elephants to me) is a sign of divine pleasure when it comes to sanctioning Kings of Thailand.
So there you have it. To finish today, I've included a marvellous picture of a manneqin sporting graduation robes. Dashing chap!
