We each all have foibles; little preferences, select delectations, abhorrent detestations. We pick them according what we think is taste, or current acceptability. Accordingly, steak should be a burnt offering, medium or still moving. Most of our opinions are really other people’s clichés, adopted without thought. Others are fostered until they reach maturity and fly the nest. Yet others again are taken up reluctantly and abandoned as near to birth as is decent. A novel, unique, individual thought is, consequently, as rare as an openly gay Russian winter Olympian competitor.
Some of us are taught, indeed used to teach, that our opinion matters, and that we must carefully seek out and ponder the significance of each of life’s grand choices. But perhaps what we think only really matters to politicians and consumer organisations: for them the kind of tomato ketchup we prefer has implications beyond that we normally evaluate.
Consider the following statements in this Scientific study, first conducted by a bored traveller in Moscow's Sheremetyevo Airport, and give a Y/N answer.
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Scientific Statement of Opinion |
Y |
N |
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Chanel No5 is foul |
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Bulgari is garish |
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Coffee cannot be drunk without whitener |
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Ankle boots are stylish |
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Only freaks enjoy ferry journeys |
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Cubism is harsh, hateful stuff |
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Paris is gay |
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Paying extra is an expression of largesse |
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Apple is the devil incarnate, |
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‘Live to Drink’ is your next tattoo |
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Squeezing through a chimney when caving is the best bit |
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Royalty is cute |
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Being without internet contact is a release |
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Russia needs a strong man |
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Denim is the great leveller |
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10 Habits of Successful Businessmen gets your pulse racing |
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Houses must have an upstairs |
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At least Mussolini made the trains run on time |
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Students are smelly imbeciles |
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Pink tracksuits are good for any occasion |
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Life is tolerable when upgraded to business class |
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Turning first to Desserts has become a habit |
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Laces are for losers, unless they’re on a pair of Converse |
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Small ones are more juicy |
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Only filthy minds enjoy double entendres |
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Muslims are morons |
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My experimentation stops at MiniBabybell |
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If you score 10 or more Ys you are an optimistic free-thinking liberal (not to say handsome and charming to boot). If you score 10 or more Ns you are a Satanist baby eater with designs on total environmental destruction (not to say a proper minger). Now cross-reference your answers a plot a graph with the word ‘Gullible’ on the X-axis and “Degree of Compliance” on the Y. Send your graphs to me to help complete my Scientific study: as an extra incentive, please include a cheque for £100 and your name will be included in a raffle for immediate possession of London Bridge (multiple entries will be considered).
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